Change is scary

Do you know what it's like to get comfortable?  When you've been doing something for so long it seems as natural as taking a breath.  Change is scary.  What we do with that fear dictates who we are and what we become.  I've been a college student for almost 5 years.  I started out, several years ago, when I was a single mother of 3 boys, working full time, knowing that divorce was around the corner.  I'd been left in a sad home with three children who needed to be taken care of, the bank was reposessing the house that had been our home and sadness oozed from every corner.

I realized that I had to change.  I had to make myself do something I never thought I would do.  I started by taking one night class.  Just to see.  Just to try.  Now, 5 years later I am finally in a happy home and I am one semester away from graduating with my bachelors. 

Now it is time for me to change again.  I want so badly to get my masters.  Change is scary.  It is daunting and overwhelming.  I've begun the process though.  Paperwork has been printed, portfolio has been started, and I'm studying for the GRE.  It's all about having courage.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain


I have an appointment at 4 today to meet with one of the professors of the psychology department at WKU.  I will likely have to drive an hour and twenty minutes every day to class then home again.  It's another two years of homework, studying, writing papers.  I need the courage to keep going. 

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anais Nin

It's time for me to put on my big girl pants and just do it.  Why am I scared?  Change is scary.  I have to admit, I am scared to death of the GRE.  Why?  Math.  Math and I go way back.  It, at best, is a tumultuous relationship.  I know I can do it.  But the fear is there.  The anxiety.  I am doing this for me.  For my family.  For my husband.  For my children.  I want better.  I can do it.

But still.

I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move.
The Bible
Matthew 17:20 

I will do it, with palms sweaty, knots in my stomach, shaking hands, and bile in my throat.  I will.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
Ambrose Redmoon
Failure is not my greatest fear.  My greatest fear is that others will see me for the imposter I feel I am.  I don't give myself enough credit for my successes.  I trivialize them and mock them as being something anyone could achieve. 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?'
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; its in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."Marianne Williamson

Where did spring go?

I've decided that Mother Nature is teasing us.  We went from rain and more rain to cold weather and even more rain.  So in honor of rain, I thought I would share some of my favorite pictures that feature water in some form.

Noble Park, Paducah Ky

Trailing Geranium

Water on leaves

Noble Park

January ice storm 2010

January ice storm 2010

Water in the birdbath

Ranger in seahorse aquarium

I am so tired of the rain.

I've been thinking . . .

And I try not to strain my brain when I do, but it's time I thought about summer plans.  Hubby will be laid off in about 3 weeks.  He's usually off all summer.  I am taking classes this summer in order to graduate in December.  We put on a garden and I can and freeze and dehydrate everything I can.  I have a flat of strawberries in the freezer now just waiting to be made into strawberry jam.  I may tackle that next week.  I have plenty of green beans that were canned.  I just opened my last jar of salsa a few days ago and only have 2 quarts of tomato juice and 3 pints of spaghetti sauce left.  Fortunately because of hubby's great hunting skill, we still have deer in the freezer.

My summer plans are to garden as much as possible.  I sit on pins and needles just waiting for the garden to start coming in.  But because of all the rain Kentucky has had, the garden isn't even broken up yet.  My Grandmother says as long as it's in the ground by the end of May I'm still in good shape.  I have to pull everything up, get all the tomato stakes out and get it tilled up.

I saved purple hull pea seed from last year.  It was the first time ever that I'd grown them and it will be a permanent fixture in the garden.  Easy to grow, harvest, and freeze.  I also saved cantaloupe seed and butter nut squash seed that will go out.  I'm also planting corn, banana peppers, jalapenos, and of course my all time favorite - TOMATOES!!  No meal is complete without a homegrown, still warm from the sun, tomato.  Oh yes, let's not forget cucumbers.  The boys HAVE to have their dill pickles.

People are surprised that I can.  I'm told it's too complicated, too much work, etc.  It can be complicated for a beginner, but information is out there if you just look and ask questions!  I don't even consider it work.  I enjoy gardening.  I love seeing my little pantry stocked with jar after jar after jar.  It's "my thing".  I truly love doing it.

Mustard relish

Pickled eggs

Squash pickles, dill pickles, and salsa

Apples

Spaghetti sauce and mustard relish

Green beans going into jars for canning

Tomato juice

Strawberry lemon marmalade

What are you plans this summer?

Can you help id these birds?

Any idea?

Juvenile Rosebreasted Grosbeak?

Juvenile Downy Woodpecker?

Bluebird or Indigo Bunting?

This is one of the Mother's Day plants I picked out.  I love Fuschia.  My Grandfather's sister, Alna, always had this growing on her front porch.  It reminded me of her.

Yes, we have no bananas

I was feeling a bit bananas today, so thought I'd share this with you.  Think of it as my gift to you.  Sit down, breathe deep, and push that play button.  I dare you.


Yesterday, the male bluebird that I've been trying to get a picture of decided to tease me.  I ran in to grab my camera and of course he disappeared.  Just as I was about to give up, I spied these crossing the road.

Mom has twins and is expecting again.  See her plump tummy?  I'm anxious to see the new fawns soon.

Happy Mom's Day

Peggy, Grandmom, Paula, Mom, Molly and Debbie

 celebrating Mother's Day

Spotted this at Mom's on her new Mother's Day

bird feeder.  This is only the second time

I've seen a Rose breasted Grosbeak!! 

Happy Mother's Day

Bird Nerd

I love sitting outside trying to catch pictures of all the birds that visit my only two trees left in the yard after the ice storm a few years ago.  The two remaining trees aren't big but both appear to be diseased. 

The Robin only posed for a moment. 

I believe this is a House Finch.  Correct me if I'm wrong.

This little flirt kept the male Cardinal busy.  She would fly from the feeder to the tree and back again.  The male Cardinal watched admiringly.

There were two finches playing.  Their song and the way they played reminded me of watching small children play and laugh.

Click on this to enlarge.  The colors on this hummer are amazing.

You know it's spring when you see this!

I have no idea what this is.  The tail feathers are blue.  Any help?

These are growing in abundance in my yard.  Does anyone know what it is?

If this damn rain would ever stop then the ground could dry then I could plant my garden then I could start watching it grow! 

I'm really hoping to see the Rose Breasted Grosbeak again this year.  I saw it two years ago.  The bluejay made a brief visit, but not long enough for me to get a shot.

The boys just got home, so Mom time is over for now!